Baby Girl

Lila has had a very hard time transitioning back to our routine at home.  I know quite well how to deal with things like broken Christmas ornaments

climbing on counters to start fires in the microwave

board games strewn across the floor, leaking diapers, smeared lipstick, face powder dumped in the toilet, kicking tantrums, screaming tantrums, and crying for hours in the night.

But this is something new. 

When Lila gets very angry or loses control, she will hit her forehead on the ground or whatever hard object is nearby.  We have solid wood floors in our house.  She has sometimes broken the skin open and often created huge lumps before I can scoop up her arched and flailing, little body.

I had to create this lovely covering for the edge of her bed to keep her from knocking herself unconscious when she decides she wants to get out and I can't get there fast enough.

I think this may be the most ingenious, manipulative thing that any of my toddlers have done.  My Mom often often mused about how nice it would be to have a padded cell in the basement.  I have never really needed one.  I've dealt with plenty of tantrums--especially from daughter #1--and I have had to send kids to their rooms and just keep them there until they can calm down.  There has been the occasional destroying of said rooms while the tantrum continued, but I never felt like my child was truly in danger.

It has been very frustrating with Lila, though I've tried my best to keep patient.  She has been angry, clingy, upset, and has not wanted to sleep.  One night last week she had purple bags under her eyes but refused to go to bed.   I was rocking her for over an hour in her room to try to get her  to sleep because she wouldn't let me set her down.  I started getting so frustrated thinking about all of the things I needed to get done downstairs.  Then I stopped and thought, "What could possibly be more important or more enjoyable than rocking my baby??"   That made me think about something else my Mom used to say.  I remember her quoting part of a poem and I could only remember the last line.  Something about, "Quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep.  I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep."   So I took a deep breath and rocked and rocked--contentedly--until Lila drifted into oblivion and I could put her down.

Luckily the past few days have been much better.  Lila is going to sleep and taking naps a little more nicely.  She hasn't hit her head for at least four days--though today several times she bent her head and cried threateningly.  Each time I told her, "Don't you dare hit your head!  I will hold you in just one minute."

 By the way, this is how her hair was when she woke from her nap.  I hope she doesn't lose these precious curls!

This morning as I was getting dressed that poem about cobwebs and rocking came to my mind again.  I decided to actually find it (aka google it).  And guess what the name of it is?  Lo and Behold...

Song for a Fifth Child

by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking. Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

Christmas 2012

We spent Christmas vacation in Utah.  There was much about it that really stink stank stunk.  I will just mention those briefly for journal's sake and then will focus on the positive.

I started getting sick the day before we left.  We left at about 3am on the 22nd and drove to Durango, CO.  The kids were good.  I didn't feel well but Jason did most of the driving.  It wasn't bad at all.  It was very cold, which made me feel worse physically.  The hotel was decent but I continued to feel worse and grow a fever.  Luckily the next day we only had about 8 more hours to go.  The following day was Christmas Eve.  I was able to enjoy the Allred family party, though didn't feel physically well.  My health then took a dramatic downturn.  Most of Christmas day...and most of the rest of the trip was spent in Tyler's room at Jason's parents house (which Tyler so kindly gave up for us) in bed sick and feeling sorry for myself that I was so close to family and friends but wasn't spending any time with them nor doing anything Christmas-y.  Lila and Addie became sick as well.  Then it hit Jason, though only for a few days.  The drive home was horrific.  We left at 4 am and hit temperatures driving through South Eastern Utah of -13F.  I still felt bad, Lila felt bad, Addie had two throwing up episodes but was really good about trying to keep it in a bag.  We just drove and drove.  The kids were such troopers.  We'd decided to stop when we felt like we needed it.  I was miserable and wanted to be home so badly.  We pressed forward to Amarillo and by then there were only 5 hours left.  It was already 8:30pm but the thought of spending a night with kids throwing up and crying in a motel was worse than the thought of 5 more hours in the car, so we endured.  And then we were home at 1:30am and slept and stayed in our pajamas most of the next day.

So...it wasn't my favorite vacation ever, nor my favorite Christmas.  But here are some of the awesome things I remember, not in chronological order:

* Dad or Mom sitting at my feet on the couch during a short visit to Polk's End on Christmas Day.  I was not feeling well at all but their love for me as they rubbed my feet or put a blanket on me, filled my soul.
* Mom's video which she spent hours on to make Grace happy.  Grace had written her version of the screenplay to a Charlie Brown Christmas.  Mom helped to video grandkids from various states and edited the whole thing.  Grace was so happy to watch and it turned out really cute.
* Sitting on Nancy's couch on New Year's Eve laughing with her while the kids ran about.  I love that my kids love their cousins.
* Big kids sleeping over at Chris and Priscilla's house. Grace loves Maddie and Daisy.  Addie got along dazzlingly with both Goldie and Charly.  Love cousins!
* On Christmas Eve, newly married Tessa came in with her GB.  She was wearing a knit, flowing kind of long dress.  Miles, in awe, asked, "Is she a princess?"
* Andre's dance during the talent show on Christmas Eve.  I found a mix of an instrumental "Sleigh Ride" and Beastie Boy's "Money Makin".  He started out acting like he was going to do ballet and then the rapping came in and he started doing his hip hop.  I love it.  I don't even know where he came up with any of this stuff.  We don't watch MTV or any other dance shows.  It just comes naturally I guess.  It was very funny (and very good--all just created on the spot).  I think it really endeared a lot of the older boy cousins to him and they all treated him very well.  Especially sweet Joey (Allred) made a real effort to make Andre feel cool.

* Miles genuine excitement at  opening up any gift--even pajamas.  "PAJAMAS!" he cried with his eyebrows nearly to the top of his forehead.

* Snuggling with Lila.  She slept in our same room.  But she didn't really want anything to do with the playpen we had set up.  So, she slept with me or in my arms or snuggled next to me.  Some times it was hard but mostly I just really drank up all the one on one time that the two of us had together.  By the way, during the trip she named her blanket "Munny".  Her bunny is "Bunny" and she has sort of dropped off on always needing it.  But the girl has gotta have her "Munny".  Or is it "Money?"  Either way, its kind of funny to have her at church or someplace suddenly get upset and start screaming for money.
* Dinner with my mom and sisters (except for Meg who was, though, luckily at Polks End.  Although, unluckily, she was there recuperating from some surgery).  I love my sisters and we laughed so hard.
* The After-Dinner with my sisters and nieces.  I didn't know how I'd feel and thought it would be too late but during dinner I texted Jasmine and Tessa and asked if they could come over to Polk's End for a little while.  They came!  They brough Allie and Ryleigh and we all laughed and laughed.
* The After-Dinner-After-Laughing really cool talk with Jasmine.  Everybody was leaving to go home and Kathy was leaving, too, but Jasmine asked me, "Are you leaving yet?"  It seemed like she wanted me to stay and talk.  Whether that was the case or not, I flattered myself that it was.  She's received her mission call to Louisville Kentucky and will be leaving in April.  I knew it would probably be the last time I'd see her for 2 years so I was glad to stay.  We ended up talking for another couple of hours and I loved it.  I love my nieces so much.
* Sunday dinner at Mom and Dads.  Speaking of nieces, I was so happy to see London there.  She was so sweet.  She said that when she heard I was coming, they made sure to drive up from Bountiful.  Again, I was flattered that one of my talented and beautiful nieces would spend time with me.  I have had the opportunity to talk more with London lately and am amazed by her testimony, her depth of character, her fun personality, and her love. I also love her baby Roman!  My goodness that is a cute baby.  Grace, out of the blue the next day said, "I want to be a Mom like London when I grow up.  She's a really good mom."  I really appreciate all the other siblings/inlaws/nieces/nephews who came as well.  I know it wasn't just to see me and family, but I loved that evening spending time with all of them just like the old days.
* Tony's Pizza with Tyler and his girlfriend Naomi.
* Javier's for lunch with my lifelong friends Kelly and Patti
* Finding 3 super cute skirts on sale at Down East Outfitters.
* Snuggling with Addie while she had a high fever.
* Les Miserables with Chris and Priscilla at Newgate.
* Delicious dinners with Guy and Debbie.  They always open their home and make us feel like it is ours and offer us everything.  Their kindness and hospitality are overwhelming.  Regrettably we got Debbie sick a few days after Christmas so she was out for the rest of the holiday.  I felt very bad about that as she had just begun to feel better after recently being diagnosed with Diabetes (apparently she's been battling it for a couple of years but drs were so focused on her cancer that they missed it completely somehow).
* Hm...I'm sure there are so many more things.  Looking at that list, I feel so blessed that despite feeling so crummy physically, we were able to have all of these wonderful experiences.

ELEVEN

When Grace was born I could hardly believe how beautiful she was.  I would just stare and stare at her and could seriously not believe what a perfect child had been born to me.  Now, she was somewhat high maintenance, but she had this thick blonde hair, blue blue eyes with super long lashes, and the perfect rose bud lips.  Oh my.  I was so smitten.

And eleven years later, I still am.  This post is late.  Grace turned eleven on the 15th of December.  It was a Saturday and since we weren't having a "friend" party, we let her choose what she wanted to do all day.  She planned it out in advance.  It went something like this:
1.  Wake up
2.  Eat breakfast of donuts and chocolate milk
3. Open presents
4. Chill for awhile
5. Lunch of Ramen Noodles and Apple slices
6. Maybe watch a movie
7.  Just hang out
8. Have dinner of fettucine alfredo, carrots, and bread.
9.  Have cake and ice cream:  chocolate cake with white icing, mint chocolate chip icecream

Her birthday, according to her, was nearly destroyed when she found out that not only did Andre have a Cub Scout event scheduled for that morning at 10:00 to go sing at an Assisted Living facility BUT our whole family was supposed to attend!  Luckily it turned out that she decided her birthday wasn't a complete wash if an hour was spent doing something nice.  She's a very nice girl herself and admitted that she felt good after going.

We got Grace a video camera.  She's a budding little writer/director and know this is something she is going to really enjoy.   Addie and Andre had saved money and bought and/or made her small gifts.  It was a very happy day.   I love this girl so much.  She is quite torn in many ways about life right now.  She does not want to be called a tween; but she certainly is that.  She sometimes cannot wait to grow up.  She tells me all the time how her life is going to be when she can make her own decisions and live on her own.  Yet sometimes she cries and says that we give her too much responsibility.  "I'm only ELEVEN!"  She'll cry.  In fact, last Saturday I was at the dentist and received a text from her.  I'd left the kids at home with Jason and lists of their chores.  Her text:  "That is so weird!  I thought I was 11!  But judging by what my jobs are, I guess my age changed to 23!"   My response:  "Don't be disrespectful."   Turns out she finished her chores in less than 30 minutes and I later received this text:  "Sorry.  I love you."

We had parent teacher conferences last night at her new school.  She is thriving there.  Her lowest grade was in math--97%.  One of her teachers told me, "Grace is a rock.  She is just one of those students that you just wish and wish that every student could be like.  I can always depend of her.  She works when she's supposed to work.  She helps me out all the time.  She is kind to everybody.  She is bright and has a good attitude.  She is really such a blessing to have in class."

My children often seem to do extremely well in school and then have to kind of break down and vent when they get home.  That is okay.  I understand that.  Kids have to be kids and can't act perfect all of the time.  But I must say that there is a lot more happiness at home now that she is happier at school. 

Anyway, that's the end of the birthday post.  I love you, Gracie Girl!!!

Post Script to Thanskgiving

If you want a good chuckle, go back through the photos and check out Miles' expressionless face (ha!).

Also, while jumping on the trampoline with her second-cousin, Brooklyn, Addie said happily to her, "My mom told me about this country a long time ago where they only liked people with blonde hair and blue eyes.  If we lived there back then, we would be SO lucky!!!"

Apparently that is what she got from the 20 minute, 100-question conversation we had a few months ago about Hitler and World War II.