Double Digits

One decade ago I was in a hospital room on the second floor of the women's center at Ogden Regional Medical Center awaiting the arrival of my first child. I had gone into my nurse midwife's office that day to get some samples of some medication. I wasn't due for another 8 or 9 days and had just seen him a few days earlier. There was a huge snowstorm and many of his appointments had cancelled so he (my father-in-law) said, "Well, lets take a look at that baby." My first born was to be his first grandchild. After rubbing the monitor over my huge tummy for a few seconds he said, "huhm." "What?" I asked. He shrugged and acted nonchalant, as always, but said, "Well, there's not as much fluid as I'd like to see." He asked me several questions about if it was possible that my water had broken. He did some measurements, then told me to sit tight for a moment while he talked to his colleague, Dr. Beir. He returned shortly and said, "Well, we're going to have to get you induced right away. I'll call the hospital and get things set up for you to go in the evening."

I'm not up for telling the whole labor story right now, and perhaps the only one interested in reading it in the future might be firstborn herself. But here's a quick synopsis: I labored painfully through the night, finally got an epidural about 10am, my blood pressure dropped, baby's heart rate dropped, we thought I might need and emergency c-section, nurse almost gave me wrong medication but Guy caught it just in time, they got me and baby stabilized, I was able to rest a bit, then gave birth to my gorgeous little baby girl a little after 3 in the afternoon. The nurses kept coming in to look at her. She was such a pretty baby!

I was so happy and so excited to have this baby girl. When I was only about 9 weeks pregnant, I was searching through a baby-name book. I had convinced myself that I was having a boy, but decided to look at baby girl names. I wrote down a few that I thought were cute, then I heard a very clear young woman's voice in my head say, "My name is Grace." I paused and waited for a second. "Grace. My name is Grace. Grace. Grace." I got chills all over me as the voice kept insisting that I know her name. I took a clean sheet of paper and wrote the name down several times, including in my very best penmanship. Only after I'd written it down over ten times did the feeling and the insistence go away. I was a little confused. "Who is Grace? My baby now? No, I think I'm having a boy. Maybe we will have a Grace someday. I never really cared much for the name and don't know of anybody with that name except old ladies, but I suppose its actually kind of lovely."

Silly me. I was having a girl. And her name was Grace. With Finn and Deedle (Miles and Adelaide), I very much felt like we chose those names because we liked them. With the other three, I felt like they chose their names and let us know what they were to be through various means.

Anywho...I loved that baby girl while she was in my womb, I loved her like a crazy she-bear when she was born, and I love her now more than I ever thought possible. I love these photos of her because they show so much of who she truly is. She looks grown up and beautiful. Yet she still has such the sweet innocence of my little girl.

She's been looking forward to this birthday for quite some time now. She has been reminding us for weeks that she is almost turning "double digits" and that she will remain in double-digits the rest of her life, most likely. I never really thought that TEN was such a big change, but it does feel really big when I think of it that way. I have a child who has been in my life for an entire decade! How crazy is that?

String Cheese, my funny, sweet, caring, fiesty, dramatic, creative, talented, sweet-toothed, first born--I LOVE YOU MORE THAN TONGUE CAN TELL!!! Happy Double-Digits to you!

Little Bunny Foo-Foo

...spent her Halloween hopping through the forest, scooping up the field mice, and bopping them on the head.This is how she looked after the good fairy came down and scolded her.This sweet, little one has brought such joy and love to our family. She cannot wait to grow up. Physically and intellectually she just keeps growing in leaps and bounds. At her 6 month appointment she weighed 17 pounds and...I can't remember her exact height BUT I do know that it was not on the growth chart. Her weight and head are in the 75%. Her height...something like 110%. She is wearing 12-18 month clothes now because she has such long legs. Somebody gave her a little walker. We put her in it for the first time about 2 weeks ago, just so she could be sitting up to see things. She always wants to be a part of what is going on. In no time she started maneuvering it about and now, on the wood floor, she runs all around and can back her self up, swing around, etc, to get wherever she wants. She loves it. She continues to use her hands very well. She is starting to use the "pincers" to pick up little puffs to put in her mouth. We still haven't done tons of "food". She's had some rice cereal but wasn't a fan. She enjoys summer squash. I'm introducing things very slowly as I have learned so much about allergies over the last two years and want to be very careful.

Lila now says, "dadada" among other sounds. The kids say it is her first word. We're hesitant to say its an actual word when we're not sure whether she associates meaning with it. But I'm beginning to think that she at least knows that somehow her Dad is associated with those sounds she makes because she won't make that sound all day (but many others, of course) but when he comes in from work, suddenly she starts doing, "dadadadada!" We'll work on Mama next, but I'm very secure in how much this little one and I adore each other!

You're a Good Man...

...Charlie Brown.

Finn didn't want to put on any of the myriad of costumes choices he had available to him from past Halloweens (cow, chicken, lion). But that was just fine because I had already decided long ago what his costume would be. My son has a head that is very large for his body, a long torso, and short legs. Perfect. I taught him to say, "Good grief", spray painted a yellow t-shirt, added black shorts, short socks and brown shoes and we were good to go.

Luckily there were no rocks in his trick-or-treat bag!

Deedle's Baptism

This past weekend was a very special one. Deedle was baptized. She had been very excited about this for quite some time. Besides the importance of being baptized, which she really seemed to understand quite well, she knew her grandparents were coming to town for the occasion.


She was baptized and confirmed by her Daddy. What a blessing! And here she is with her proud Mama. Here's the whole family after the baptism with both sets of grandparents. Thank you so much for coming! We love you! And Deedle, when you read this one day in the future, I hope you remember what a happy day it was and what a special girl you are. We all love you SO much!

Kid History

So, a couple of my sisters and friends have been a bit down lately.  May I suggest some comedic relief by watching this video?  I also highly suggest all of the other "Kid History" by Bored Shorts episodes.

Kid History Episode 6

Finn says...

I have no idea if anybody reading this is the least bit interested in the words of a two year old, but they are things I want to keep forever.  Maybe some of the things I write don't seem interesting or funny at all, but if you could see this chubby little face and know that a good deal of what he says is still garbled nonsense or his words get twisted, you'd be pretty impressed with some of the stuff he comes up with.

I'll ask him to do something and he is usually so agreeable.  His typical response is "okay" or "sure".  But sometimes he says no.  If you ask again, or sometimes even the first time, he firmly responds, "I said NO."

He also has heard my typical responses to many of the kids requests and tries them out on me.  He was standing precariously on a chair and putting his bunny in the microwave.  I asked him to please climb down.  First he told me, "I'm too busy.  Too busy!"  Then when I insisted he said, "No!  Too 'spensive. I too 'spensive, Mom."

A few days ago it was time for his nap.  He usually is happy to go down when its time and causes no fuss at all.  But occasionally he'll give a slight protest.  He was playing with something in my bathroom when I announced it was nap time.  "No, not right now."  He said nicely.  Nicely but firmly I replied that it was indeed time to stop his playing.  He turned to me and furrowed his brow, "You be rude to me, Mom.  You be SO rude to me."  "I'm not being rude to you honey," I said.  "I just want you to have a nap because you're very tired."  He thought for a minute then said, "It Lila.   Lila be rude to me.  Lila be rude.  Lila be sooooo rude to me."

A conversation from just now:

Me:  Get in your high chair and I'll make you a sandwich.
F: Get in high chair. Make jewwy samich.
Me: Climb on up.
F: I wanna cowder a peecher.
Me: We need to eat first.
F: Eat first.
Me: Would you like a jelly sandwich.
F: I wanna cowder a peecher.
Me: You can color a picture after breakfast. Are you hungry?
F: I gonna gu gu I not I am I hungy for dinner. Cummeer Mommy!  Cummeer Mommy!  Cummeer!
Me: I'm right here making your sandwich.
F: CUMMEEERRRRR! (I come right close to his high chair and he points at his bunny's face--whom he's been carrying around all morning).  Sumpeen on bunny's face. LOOK!  Sumpeen on bunny's face. (I pull a miniscule brown piece of lint off of bunny's face).  Ewwwww! Thank you, Mommy.  (Then in a high pitched voice, to bunny) There you go, bunny. There you go bunny. You wanna lie down?  You wanna lie down now?  Okay.  Here you go. (Then to me in normal voice) I put bunny down right here.  I have some yummy ham, Mommy?  I have some yummy ham?
Me:  I'm making you a jelly sandwich.
F: I want yummy ham.
Me:  Okay, after your sandwich you can have some yummy ham.
(having finished his sandwich)
F: I have some yummy ham, Mommy?  I have some yummy ham?  Yahoo.  Woohoo.  humuhummuhummu.
Me:  Here you go sweetheart.
F: Iss some turkeyss!  Iss some turkeysS!
Me: You are so smart.  We don't have any ham.  Is turkey okay?
F: YumyumyumYumYumyumyum.  (with a mouth full of turkey) I get down Mommy?  I get down?
Me:  Finish your turkey first.
F: Oooookay... I get I eat all turkey.  All turkey. I eat it.  I get down Mommy?
Me: Good job.  Let's wash your hands and face. (I do that and my most polite boy says)
F: THANK YOU MOMMY! (now down from his high chair).  I have chooo? I hab chooosees? (I stare quizzically and he stares back, not sure if he's communicated what he wants exactly.  He tries again.) I hab choos?  From fij?
Me:  Juice from fridge? (he beams)
F: Juice from fidge!

I wish I could just keep writing this conversation all day long and I'm sure it entertains none of you, but this little boy of mine is growing and learning so fast and nearly every single thing he does or says I just want to have imprinted on my brain forever.  He throws very few fits for a two-year-old, though he certainly has his moments.  And those I let slip from my mind very quickly because...well...I can only think of cliches about how they grow up so fast.  But now I am going to write something down and maybe actually writing it will make me not feel so sick about it.  Or maybe it will make it worse.  I am terrified of losing this boy.  It frightens me all of the time.  Would I be devastated if I lost any of my children? Of course!!!  But for some reason I don't really imagine it happening with the oldest like I do these two babies.  The thought comes to me often and I become sick with terror and have to immediately push it out of my mind.  Is it because they're babies and so vulnerable?  I don't know.  I always pray for protection and preservation of all of my children and I've had some scares with Andre and one in particular with Grace.  But, as I said, I just don't really have that worry with them.  I'm cautious and careful in my decisions to keep them safe of course.  But my mind isn't constantly worried that they might die.   Why the fear here?  I don't know.  I'm sure some of it stems from his rough start, the time he got trapped when his crib broke and he should have been strangled, also that Gardy was taken around this age and has never been returned and my friend Chareyl lost her son this past summer (though he was in his 20s).  I don't really know.  Maybe those are some of the reasons.  Maybe not.  I'm trying to conquer it and really just focus on the fact that yes, life is precious, so be happy and kind and enjoy every moment...and then not let the other part of it enter into my mind.  Sorry for having to spit that out.  Had to purge so as not too feel to anxious this morning.

Dear God, please please please please don't ever take one of my babies from me.

Halloween Birthday Carnival

I do not like to throw birthday parties.  Or really any kind of party.  I do think they are fun and I don't mind them once they're started.  I'm pretty easy-going and know that usually kids or adults who like each other don't really care how "great" a party is, they're just happy to be having a party.  Its the prep that stresses me out and keeps me up at night.  But for some reason I felt the need for Deedle and Loumy to have a big deal made about their birthdays this year.  For so many of their birthdays I have been sick or otherwise afflicted that they have had to make do with not a whole lot going on.  This year I decided to combine their birthdays and have a big carnival.  It did indeed stress me out.  And I was sick with a sinus infection but the current stomach virus I have now did not bother me until several days after the party.  Thank goodness for a healthy day to do a party!

Anyway, I let the kids help me plan a bunch of games, do a lot of shopping, make their own invitations, and decorate posters.  I put my game face on...
Made some yummy (Mummy) treats...

Did some decorating (with a lot of help from Catherine and the kids)...

The older kids (cousins including Morphis's) were set as my helpers.  Then we let the party begin.  There was face painting.  Most kids wanted a little ghost or a butterfly or something.  One of Deedle's more interesting friends insisted on a werewolf.   I gave several other suggestions but Heather wouldn't budge.  Emma was in charge and didn't look too thrilled about the idea.  I said no way.  Catherine stepped up to the plate.  It was awesome.

 We played "Wrap the Mummy".

 We had several games to play where each child could earn tickets to later redeem for prizes at the treat table.

Two of the games were throwing darts at balloons in the shapes of ghosts and pumpkins.  Three of Matt Morphis's darts were thrown into our neighbors' yard.   Two were recovered but the third was either eaten by one of their two Great Danes or lost forever in a pile of the excrement.  Here you see Deedle throwing with all her might...and Matt watching another one go over the fence. :( Sorry Matt.

Though it ended up that I would count each child's tickets then tell them to choose one of each item from the table to put in their bags, they found gathering tickets to be quite exciting.  Even Finn earned his and kept them carefully in his pocket.

 (Have I mentioned that this child of mine breaks my heart every time I look at him?)

 We ate pizza, drank "witches brew" (isn't dry ice so super fun?), opened presents and I think I only heard one child cry the whole time. It was the werewolf, but she got over it.  All in all, I'd say it was a very fine Halloween/Birthday/Carnival/Bash for Loumy and Deeds.

Home

Two weeks ago my close friend, Chareyl, had her husband (who is  a pilot) get me a buddy pass to come home to show off Lila and spend some time with family.  It was strange but also very normal to suddenly be back home after 10 months.  My Utah mountains are so beautiful.  I had a great time laughing with friends, sisters, nephews, nieces, shopping at my old haunts (ie Down East), etc.  I kept thinking how nice it felt to be home and a sadness was in my heart because it was fall and General Conference and I was home but my husband and four other children were far away in some drought-y, brown, flat land in a small rented home.

The weekend was very fun and enjoyable and turned out to be extra special because I was able to be with my beautiful sister, Nancy, to see her sixth child, son Anders, be born.  I felt so happy to be there. And I took some pretty awesome pictures too.

Coming home was a bit hectic.  I was trying to get on an 8:30pm flight which had 22 empty seats.  But I didn't make it on!  Who has ever heard of having 35 stand by passengers?  It was crazy.  My sweet mother-in-law came to pick me back up after dropping me off several hours earlier.  I'd checked our bag so had to stop and buy some more formula for Lila.  We slept in our same clothes and then wore them home the next morning.  I felt tired and a little gross.  We found the van and as I drove along I felt very emotional.  I didn't recognize any of the roads (I have rarely been in the DFW area), the air was hot, the ground was burnt.  Nothing felt right and I had a small amount of bitterness in my throat.

Luckily it only took a few minutes for me to pull into the driveway, kiss my husband, hear Finn calling to get up from his nap, and a few other faces as they came running to me when I picked them up from school for me to repent.  I immediately felt humbled and embarrassed for being so pouty and ungrateful.  I do miss Utah and my extended family.  But wherever these people are is HOME to me.

 And even when these gorgeous creatures have up and decided to make themselves their own home, I will forever be full of happiness and gratitude that I got you babe.  Forever yours, JEC.  I love you.