Four Weeks Old

My little, baby, angel Lila Pearl is already almost a month old. Isn't she beautiful?
And look how friendly she is!

What a miracle and blessing it is to have her in our lives. I am just so in love with her!

She is so long and thin! We just started supplementing with some formula because my colitis has really flared up and she will eat for about an hour and then still be ravenous, so I think that my milk is probably not super nutritious right now. Maybe if I'm able to get myself feeling better then I'll be able to absorb more nutrients and make better food for her. Or I might need to stop making food for her if I want to get myself feeling better. We'll see. She seems to be happy to have her belly full from a bottle--though she only drinks about 2 ounces at a time, maybe 3 if she's really REALLY hungry. I'm still hoping to breast feed as long as possible, but we'll see how it goes.

Lila rarely cries. She whimpers a little. But she usually gives plenty of warning that she wants to be cared for before she wails. She has never been inconsolable. If she's crying she wants to be near me, fed, or changed. Do that and she'll be happy to stop. How nice is that? She doesn't like having her diaper changed, but she likes a dirty diaper even less. She doesn't sleep for very long. The longest period of sleep I've had since she was born was three hours. I'm very tired. But I try to remain positive because I know this period will not last long. She will usually start out sleeping in her cradle next to our bed, but she definitely doesn't sleep as well when she can't smell me, so she spends a lot of time in bed with us. I love having her sleep on my chest. I like to place my hands on either side of her tiny abdomen to feel it expanding and contracting as she sleeps. These are views I don't ever want to forget:

The biggest blessing to me personally right now is that I'm experiencing no post-partum depression. Any anxiety I feel is related to sleep deprivation and the work and patience required to care for five little people. This is such a blessing because I can truly enjoy all of the little things that should be enjoyed about a newborn. Just staring at little eyelashes, letting a tiny hand clasp my finger, smelling Lila's head after a bath, etc. Those things fill me with joy. When you are having pp depression, you want to feel that joy but you can't and that stinks and also makes you feel guilty because you have this beautiful child and you are so in love with her but your brain isn't right and you cry all the time and you know you should be happy...so...anyway...I have some physical issues but I will take those over mental any day!

What a miracle and a blessing it is that the Lord let us have this little one.

Here she is on Easter Sunday:

Oh...and I'm pretty sure her eyes are going blue!