A Change

WARNING: I began this post with only the thought of posting a couple of quick photos. Instead it turned into a novella with various anecdotes and then philosophizing. Just a warning that you might not have time to read it all. So, if you just want to see my new wig, then scroll down and see it and forget about the rest!
"Jane says, 'Have you seen my wig around? I feel naked with out it.' " ~ Jane's Addiction

I went to Robert's Wigs yesterday. I have not been to a wig shop since I lost my hair the first time over ten years ago. Both were very traumatic. Because I was so freaked out about the thought of a wig, I went by myself the first time. If you ever go bald, do not go do something like that alone! The lady at the wig shop was not nice, not helpful, and I was completely depressed and worried and ended up buying something that didn't look good on me at all.The next time I went to a wig shop, it wasn't really a shop, rather it was a place where they make custom wigs. My sisters, Amy and Kathy were with me. I am so glad they were because I ended up having my head shaved for the first time (they were trying to attach a new wig to my head and the sparse amount of hair I had left was getting in the way so I told them to go ahead and shave it off). It was a very traumatizing experience for me, but the wig turned out to be a life saver at that time in my life so I am very grateful. The wig was VERY expensive and my parents paid for it all with out batting an eye. No matter how tight money was, if there was something, anything that might help my health or help me to feel better about dealing with my Alopecia, my parents always were willing to make whatever sacrifice necessary.

Also, after getting the new human hair wig and having my head shaved, Kathy immediately bought me a new outfit (shoes, shorts, and a shirt!). She also bought me some clothes in St. George. You should all know that every one of my sisters is beautiful and kind and loving and they each have special traits that make them unique and they each support and help me in different ways. One way that Kathy supports me is by immediately buying something to make me feel better (and I'm not saying she's rich, I'm just saying that she is very generous that way).

I lost a lot of my hair after Deedle was born and I was afraid I might lose it all again so I ordered a couple of wigs on-line. They were okay. Some the colors weren't good and none of them really felt like "me". (Of course Kathy bought me one of them)

Anywho...my wig experiences have not been extremely positive. I never felt like any of them really looked completely natural on me--whether because the wig itself wasn't great or just because the thickness and the style didn't fit me--and they are all somewhat itchy, hot and uncomfortable.

So, why I decided to try Roberts Wigs yesterday, I'm not sure. I just stopped by quickly before going to volunteer at String Cheese's kindergarten class. The lady that owns it now was SO nice and I actually had a lot of fun trying on wigs. I found one that I kind of liked and thought I would like to order it but in a different color. I was almost late and needed to leave but the owner asked me to just let her quickly get out another wig to check and see if the color would work for me. She opened a box and asked me to try it on and my eyes lit up! It was exactly what I was looking for. The color and style were both perfect for me. It was one of those moments where some might say it was total coincidence or others might think that God certainly doesn't have time to worry about making somebody happy with something as little as this, but to me it was what Elder Eyring has referred to as "a tender mercy of the Lord".Needless to say, I am very happy! It is very light-weight and the style just fits me. I am not saying it is the most gorgeous wig in the world or that anybody else would necessarily love it or that it is the most fantastic style. I am just saying that if I had my own hair right now then this is how I would be wearing it. What do you think? Nancy asked for photos, so here they are. I wished I'd put on some make-up and that somebody else could have taken them rather than me but these will do.

Now, a quick bit of education for those of you who haven't dealt with bald women and are not sure how to react when you see them wearing a new or different wig. A couple of do's and dont's might be helpful for you.
DO:
...notice! Acting like nothing is different makes everybody feel awkward if you try to act like nothing has changed when she looks drastically different.
...say something like, "I like your hair!" After all, if she bought it and it is on her head, then it is her hair and you don't need to bring up the fact that it is a wig because some women aren't totally comfortable with that (I am so you can say that to me). Or you could say, "Hi! What a cool style for you! I love that look on you!" If you do not like the wig, you don't need to lie but you can still say something to make sure she knows you noticed her by saying, "How fun to have a new style! Do you like it?"

Do NOT:
...ignore the fact that she looks totally different but still keep glancing up at her head while talking to her.
...say, "You are SO lucky to get to wear all different styles." or "You are so lucky that you can just throw on a wig...my hair takes forever to do!" Why are these things inappropriate to say? Because if you have hair then you have the option, any day of the week, to buy yourself a wig, to shave off your hair if it is driving you crazy, or whatever you want. It demeans any difficulty that a bald woman might be going through. If she says, as I some times do, "It is so nice to just be able to throw on a scarf or a wig. It saves a lot of time in the morning." Then feel free to agree and say, "That is great that you can focus on the positives! That is a really nice thing to save time getting ready."
...say, "I wish I could just wear a wig." That is kind of the same as the last "do not". Anybody can wear a wig. Like I said, you just buy one and wear it.As for me, you don't need to worry about what you say. I refuse to get offended easily and I have really grown a lot. I am working very hard on not ever comparing myself to others physically anymore. It just doesn't work out for anybody, does it? "I wish I were thinner, I wish I had nice skin, and I wish I had my hair back." There. Now that's done. Why dwell on it? I am trying something else on for size: "I was created after Divinity. Everybody is different. I am beautiful." That one is definitely fitting more nicely! Funny how when we think nice things about ourselves, we think less often about ourselves. And I think it is rubbing off on my kids, too, which is definitely the best thing that could come from any type of trial we go through. This morning I was getting ready to go someplace. String Cheese has always loved it in the past when I put on a wig and when the kids saw me with it at school they all really liked it. But this morning she said to me, "Mom, you look so pretty with your new wig. But you look really pretty with out it, too." I have no DOUBT that she can FEEL how I FEEL about myself.

In closing of this major novel here, I must thank Nancy for writing such a nice blog post about me and Zhateal for how her new-found wisdom has affected me (see this post). Whatever she has gone through lately has made me want to stop being mean to myself and be willing to really allow myself to discover the beautiful person that is inside. Z actually looks different since she's gone through this sort of spiritual transformation. A holistic doctor would say that her aura is vibrant and she glows. I would say that her spirit is happy and and is telling you so when you look in her eyes.

So, anyway, I'm really experimenting and working hard on this new "I am beautiful" thing. I never even knew I felt comfortable saying that about myself. I thought it was being haughty. But really Satan has been using this fake sense of "humility" of me not accepting myself or feeling good enough about myself. That is not humility. It's a lie that Satan uses to trap us into ourselves and our own self-loathing so that we don't have the love and the energy left to completely open up and use our talents and beauty that God has given us to serve others. If any of you want in on this experiment of giving up the self-deprecation, let me know and we will all remind each other how beautiful we are!