A Special Connection

Here is a picture of String Cheese holding Loumy just minutes after we walked in the door, bringing him home from Haiti.

Recently I have been thinking a lot about siblings that come together in special ways and the cool connections that they can have. My friend, Lori, is adopting from Haiti. She recently went with her husband to visit the little boy they were planning to adopt. Before they left, they decided that there was another child that was meant to be in their family. Their three-year-old son was the one to first make this evident to them (then, I'm sure, they did a lot of praying on their own to have it confirmed to them). Read the super cool story of Malot and Jessica here.

Today I walked out of my bedroom and found String Cheese had dressed her baby brother, Loumy, in his pjs and was reading him a "bedtime" story (although it was early afternoon) while Deedle was still napping I felt grateful for the special bond that those two share. SC has always been a very good big sister to Loumy. There seems to be none of the rivalry that often exists between her and Deedle or Deedle and Loumy. Although she does get frustrated at times, mostly there is just a really super sweet love between SC and Lou. Thinking about Malot and Jessica and seeing this tender little scene in the living room reminded me of the connection that my two children shared before Loumy ever joined our family. And, for this post, I will go ahead and use their real names the rest of the story. Some of you have heard the stories before, but I felt like recording them here:

This was recorded in my journal shortly after my son, Isaiah, passed away in Haiti in Nov of 2004:

"The night I found out about Isaiah’s death I felt that we had probably gone through what we needed and I didn’t picture being able to go forward with another adoption. Grace constantly asked when her baby “brudder” Isaiah was coming home from Haiti. She speaks so well for not even being 3 yet and seems to understand things well. The morning after we learned of Isaiah’s death, Grace saw his picture on the table and asked about him. I said, with tears in my eyes, “Gracie, Isaiah isn’t going to come home from Haiti. He died. That means he lives with Heavenly Father and Jesus now.” Grace became very upset. She said, “No! Go get my baby brudder! I want baby Isaiah to come home from Haiti!” I was surprised at how upset she was. It only made me cry more so I said, “It’s okay, honey. He is really happy with Jesus now.” Grace was still mad, then something came over her and she just turned and walked away.

A few minutes later Jason walked out of the bathroom, having just shaved for work.
“Did you tell Grace Isaiah died?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Did you tell her we were adopting another baby?” he asked.

“No.”

“Well she just came in the bathroom and said, ‘Daddy, baby Isaiah died. He lives with Jesus. Now we need to go get my other baby brudder.’ I told her again that we couldn’t get her baby brother because he lived in Heaven. Grace said, ‘No, Dad, we have to go get my OTHER baby brother. My baby brother Andre.”

Since then we have felt strongly that we will adopt another son and that it will be very good for him to know that he has a brother who is in Heaven that was also born in Haiti. Maybe he will feel a special connection to Isaiah. And it feels as though we are to name him Andre even though we already have an Andre in the family. "

In this photo, Grace starts sharing secrets with Andre just minutes after his arrival home.

When I found out what the name, "Andre" meant, I felt that Grace had been very inspired. Isaiah means, "The Lord is My Salvation". That was very cool to me because I have come to know that through the Plan of Happiness and the Atonement of my Savior, little children that die before they become accountable for their actions are saved. Isaiah has already received salvation through the Lord. The name "Andre" means "strong". That was a big comfort to me. Whenever I would receive a call from the orphanage coordinator, I would immediately become frightened that something had happened to Andre. The fact that Grace knew what his name was to be and that his name meant, "strong" gave me comfort and helped me have faith that he would remain "strong" in mind and body until I could get him out of Haiti and take care of him myself.

Another incident happened just after I got home from visiting Andre for the first time in December of 2004. It was extremely difficult to leave my tiny new son in a crammed orphanage that did the best that they could but did NOT have enough hands. This is what I wrote about after coming home:

The next morning I put the girls in the double-stroller to

go out for a jog. I bundled us all up but it was extremely cold. It was just gray. And it

was silent. The gray and quiet was nice as I jogged along. Then Grace said,

“Mom. What is that crying?” I stopped the stroller and listened. We were down on

the river trail now and all I could hear was the soft rolling of the water.

“What is that crying?” Grace asked again. I said, “I don’t

hear anything, sweetheart.” “Yes,” said Grace. “There is a baby crying. It’s baby Andre.”

I literally crumpled to the ground and sat by the stroller weeping. I sat that way for

quite some time on the cold pavement—looking at my two little toe-heads with their big

blue eyes peering out from bundles of blankets and snowsuits and thinking about

my dark-skinned son 1000s of miles away in an orphanage with out the love

and attention of a mother. Most likely he was crying.

In this photo, Grace and Loumy spend some time getting reacquainted on his first full day home.

Anyway, these stories have always been special to me because I know that sometimes little children are so much more open to the Spirit because they are so pure. I have always loved that these two have such a special connection and hope that it will always be that way for them. Maybe that is why I needed to record this here. Grace and Andre, if you are much older now and are reading this on your own one day, I hope that your Spirit will be touched and you will remember how much you love and care for each other. Always be good to each other. Always be examples. You loved each other before this life. Help each other through this life so that you can make it back to your home, as you promised each other you would do before you came to this Earth. And I will try to help, too!

"Oh Wedding, Oh Wedding, How Could You?"

String Cheese is very creative and comes up with so many fun things for the other kids to do. Younger kids love to play with her because she is a very good director. Well, she is good with kids her age, too, but they don't like her telling them what to do quite as much. :) I am very grateful for this because I rarely have to worry about limiting TV time or anything. The kids are always busy playing, "Nickelodeon Cruise Ship", "Enchanted Fairy Land", "Medical Hospital", "Pre-school", "Gymnastics Class", "Beauty Parlor", etc. etc. When I was little I only remember two games: "house" and "boat" (the same as "house" but on two chairs that we had turned into a flotation device). Oh yeah, how could I forget, "hot lava"? And why is it that nobody teaches kids that there is a game called "hot lava"? They just know it. One day they are standing on a chair and it comes to them. "Hey," they will say, "I know! Let's pretend the floor is hot lava! Come on, everybody, let's play 'hot lava'!" Nobody has to suggest it. It is instinct, I think.

One of the most recent games SC invented is called "dance school/opera". String Cheese dresses Deedle in some kind of dance attire and then teaches her various "performances". Deedle is rarely allowed to make a sound, rather she must act out whatever opera SC is singing.

Yesterday we had a little cousin, Madeline, over to play. SC was thrilled to have two students. Luckily they allowed her to tell them what to do, how to act, what to say, what not to say, etc. etc. for several hours. I was painting in a nearby room and found their performances very entertaining. So, I came in with the camera and asked if they might perform for me. String Cheese quickly came up with a new "routine". I don't exactly understand the story line, but found it quite enjoyable.

Hypo-bole

From Merriam-Webster:
Hyperbole is extravagant exaggeration (as “mile-high ice-cream cones”)

Hyperbole is very a good tool to use when trying to get your point across or when you want to be funny. That is, if you are me. Or my sisters. While dating, my suitor (Chancho) was often quite amazed at my expressions. If I was early to something, I would say, "It was amazing. I was like 4,000 hours early, and that never happens." See, I had to express how surreal it felt to be early to something that I had to use "extravagant exaggeration". Still not clear on hyperbole?
"My head looks the size of large airport in that picture."
"Well, of course we can't ever hang out--you have 9,000 children."

Since I frequent the use of hyperbole, sometimes I confuse myself and use, what I deem "hypo-bole".
From Perla's Dictionary (which always is available for browsing in the haunted parlor), Hypobole is accidental under-exaggeration which results in diminished effect and confusion. For example, we were in St. George and there was a raised walk-way we had to go over to get to our condo. It sounded really loud and thunderous, no matter how gently I tried to walk over it. I didn't like it because, as I accidentally said, "It makes me sound like I weigh 100 pounds!" (And I haven't weighed that little since I was an infant)

For better (or not) String Cheese has adopted the use of hyperbole. The other day, though, she started to move into the hypobole realm. At least I think that is what it was. In the way only children 3-6 years of age can do, String Cheese and friends can entertain themselves for hours by saying outrageously silly and exaggerated things. I will say, "I need to get my phone." and she will say, "I need to get...my refrigerator!" Then she'll wait...and her little siblings will give her the appropriate amount of guffawing, then they will start trying some of their own, "I need to go get my...counter top!" haha. "I need to go get the...trampoline!" haha.

This kind of silliness started in the car while String Cheese was with my friend, Pooka, and her boys. SC and JaJa were doing some kind of "what-if", crazy, silly-kid nonsense. They were laughing hysterically when SC came up with another good one. It went like this:
SC: What if...a baby was BORN...and then it DIED...(wait for the laugh)
JaJa: (not laughing) well, that can be real.
SC: No, but, like, what if a baby was born and then the baby died? (giving a laugh herself to remind him that he was now supposed to fall into hysterics)
JaJa: Yeah, but babies really do get borned and die sometimes so that's not funny.

So, unlike the extravagant exaggerations that had gained her so many laughs previously, my daughter had followed in my foot steps and accidentally stepped into the realm of hypobole: accidental under-exaggeration which results in diminished effect and confusion. And maybe even a little sadness from sensitive, handsome little Ja-Ja.

String Cheese Takes the Writing Plunge and Deedle Visits the Dentist

My little String Cheese is a very smart girl. She is also cautious. Maybe a perfectionist? She often refuses to try something if she is not 100% sure that she can do it. She is in kindergarten and could read hundreds of words but refused to actually read a book for fear of not knowing a word until about a month ago. Finally I found the Bob Books and now her reading confidence has sky-rocketed and she is doing very well.

Anywho...same thing with writing. She would never write anything unless she knew for sure how to spell every word correctly and would usually only copy down a sentence that she had first asked me to write for her. She has oft times drawn pictures for me depicting her angry or sad feelings towards me. But, yesterday, she took the plunge and wrote me her very first note. I am so proud of her. She wrote it during church. For those of you unversed in Kindergartenese, it says, "I want to be with you because I love you." Today I got my second written note ever. It was not quite as happy as the first.

Deedle had a dentist appointment this morning, which was totally unfair to the Nth degree to String Cheese. All three littles had been to the pediatric dentist (that had toys and gave free tooth brushes and floss and let you choose a prize out of a really cool gum-ball type machine) a few weeks ago and it had been a lovely experience, mostly. Loumy and SC had great teeth. Deedle had four cavities. In an effort to not frighten her, I didn't talk much about what might be unpleasant regarding the second dental visit, rather tried to keep it positive when it came up. So, SC took that to mean that I only loved Deedle because she was the only one that "got" to go to the dentist again. And poor little Deedsy. First of all she has cried every morning since our first visit because I won't give her "melk" because I thought her teeth were not going to rot out and now I find out that even that morning-after-7am-cup DID make them rot out. Sheesh...

Anyway...They didn't really explain what would happen when we got to the dentist. I checked in and Deedle was playing a little video game when a nurse walked out to the waiting room and said, "Here, drink this." Deedle did it and was quite horrified at the taste. Then the nurse or whatever she is said, "Keep on eye on her. It will take about 10 minutes," and left. What will take 10 minutes? I "kept my eye on her" and soon she was laughing and tumbling around and asked, "Why is this room so hard to balance in? This is a really hard balancing room." Then the nurse was back and picked her up. Loopy little Deedle just stared glazedly at me.

"Can't I come back with her?" I asked this stranger that was carrying off my daughter.

"Nope," she said pleasantly. "We'll be back in a minute."

Twenty minutes later I see a different nurse hauling Deedle out but only holding her under her arms and trying to make her walk over to the machine to pick her toy. Before I could force my way back there, she had one of those sticky-hand things that I know she wouldn't have chosen if she were lucid. I picked up my little pile of tooth fillings and carried her up to the front. I requested another tooth brush and floss because I knew she'd be asking for those later. I was warned that she might hallucinate, which she did over the next hour.

At home I tried to get Deedsy to relax and watch a video but she was very woozy and in quite a bewildered state which included a lot of crying. String Cheese is very compassionate when it comes to wanting to help others herself. She just doesn't like so much to see me helping and comforting somebody other than her. It was in this setting that String Cheese delivered the second note.
Again, just in case you need any translation, "I feel like I don't have enough love. I am sad. Please be nicer to me."

Our New Family Member

Meet Molly (aka Champion Laguna). She is a five-year-old Saint Bernard given to us by a top breeder, Ivan Palmblad, from Providence, Utah. She has been trained and in a lot of shows and has won many championships. Chancho just happened to write to Ivan just as he was thinking he might start looking for a good home for her to retire to after being bred many times.

We tried to have dogs once. It was a sad experience for me and probably for them. I was allergic to dogs and we got two lab puppies. I also had two human babies of my own and tried and tried to be a good mom to these puppies. I took them to puppy kindergarten and I walked them and took them to the vet and had them spayed and neutered and microchipped and gave them their heart worm medication and I tried to do every good thing--all the while constantly taking Benadryl and rubbing creams on me because we had them outside but I was overcome with such guilt that I would go and pet them and hug them and then would immediately have my eyes swell and my hands and arms would be covered in hives. Anywho...after a year of them chewing the siding off our house, killing the trees in our backyard, and chewing off the fence and escaping nearly every day, I had to find new homes for them. I cried and cried for the guilt of it all. For my failure.

I vowed that I would never own a dog again. Chancho loves dogs and sorely has longed for a Saint Bernard for ages. String Cheese loves dogs and constantly begs for pets. I told Chancho that it was impossible for me to have a dog because of my allergies. Then I started doing NAET and was having such great success with food allergies that he thought maybe my animal allergies could be cured as well. I still didn't want a dog. Even if I had no allergies, I would only want a dog that was very calm and nice and already trained and loved children and didn't bark and pooped only on the very edge of the yard and didn't chew things and didn't get into things and...my list went on.

Well, along came Molly. I didn't believe that a dog existed that fit these qualities. But Chancho found her so I said yes. He picked her up yesterday from Ivan. She had been spayed 3 days ago. Ivan charged us nothing, not even the price of the spay. He said that it was a win/win situation for everybody. Now, you have to know that I am not what one would consider an "animal lover". But I do love this dog. She is a bit nervous and over-stimulated at times but it has only been about 30 hours. But her "over-stimulated" means that she walks back and forth somewhat quickly. She has let out one bark and that was just a quick grunt when something scared her when she first got home. She adores all of the kids but especially Grace. She seems to know that I am Mom. She meets all of the best breed standards for a Saint--she loves children and is very protective and nurturing. She listens to commands. I took her on a walk with this kids this evening and she stayed right at my side except a couple of times when the kids ran off because they'd see a friend. She'd pull and look around anxiously, trying to make sure she could see all three of them. And she wouldn't let one of the kids walk behind because she wanted to have them in her sight. When we would see neighbors, we would stop and talk and she would just stand still at my side while all the kids petted her. Deedle is a little afraid when she is walking around but loves to give her hugs when she is lying down on her bed that I made for her. Oh, and Molly is huge. She weighs 165 pounds. All Saints are big but she is even larger than the standard female.

It has not all been positive and in fact I have felt a lot of stress. She came home about five minutes after I arrived home from my St. George trip with my sisters. The house was dirty, Chancho was sick, the kids were upset and acting up because they hadn't seen me and were tired, I was tired from driving and needed a shower, and in comes a very stinky and scared dog. I had to drop everything and immediately bathe her. And then she stunk really bad because she was wet and it stunk up the entire house and I wondered if my home was now going to be a stink-house. Yes, she drools. And she been through major surgery and then uprooted from everything she knows. I was very overwhelmed. But things have already improved so much and I think that we are all going to be a big, happy family. This evening was wonderful. Zhateal brought us dinner! Can you believe that? It really made my day because I was really overwhelmed. It was delicioso. Then we went for a walk and we ate the brownies during family night as Molly just sat quietly on her bed watching us. What a kind and thoughtful thing. Thank you!

One quick thing that was so cool. The kids were going to bed and I knew Molly was super tired because she had been awake nearly the entire day and had also been on a walk, so I was trying to get her to stay on her bed to go to sleep, but she kept acting really restless and kept walking towards the kids rooms. Then I thought, oh yeah, she's Nana. So, I took her to Loumy's room and had him say good night to her. She sniffed around his room as if checking to make sure it was okay, then we shut his door and went to the girls' room. The girls each said goodnight to her, again she sniffed around, I shut their door, then she was able to go lie down and rest. What a good little-huge Nana-Molly!

By the way, String Cheese has been waiting for this for months now. When Chancho first contacted Ivan, he said that he might breed Molly one more time. After several months when she had still not come into season and we had been to visit her, he decided he would rather have her come be with us and would have her spayed instead of trying to breed her again. String Cheese asked about Molly several times every day. In fact, she named her. Chancho bought books on Saints and they read them together and discussed way more things than I am interested in knowing about dogs! String Cheese has drawn many pictures and also written the word "Molly" in her journal numerous times. About a week ago she asked me, "Do you love me more than Molly?" "Of course!" I said. She sat there quietly and said, "Well, I think I love you and Molly about the same."

My First Tooth Fairy Assignment

String Cheese had struggled for many months with the fact that she was one of only two kindergarteners without her name on the lost tooth chart in class. A few weeks ago she was delighted to discover that she finally had a loose tooth--her right-middle-bottom tooth. Regrettably, several weeks later the tooth was not much looser. Instead, her jagged, new, big-girl tooth was growing right behind the loose tooth. So, today we went to the dentist and he pulled out both of her bottom, middle teeth. SC was very good. She was a bit nervous when they put the gas-thing over her nose, and I was a bit worried when Loumy ran over and started pushing buttons to increase its levels and I had to yell for the nurse to come in...and the shots were kind of scary and painful. She asked me to sing a lullaby that I made up about her and she said that made her feel better.

At first she was very worried that having two teeth "pulled" would not reap the same rewards as "losing" teeth. She was also distressed that when she began making phone calls from my cell the moment we left the dentist office, that most people were not available. Then she finally got Grandma Debbie but, "She really didn't sound that excited." (Although she sounded plenty excited to me).

The day turned out very happy for her. She was able to put up not one but TWO paper, personalized teeth on the chart at school. Dad did the excited--laying on the floor thing for her--kicking his arms and legs about like she does when she's excited. Aunt Kathy and Grandma Sharon called to check on her (little did I know that she had called them around 7am to let them know she was going to the dentist). And, her kind Uncle John even came over to our house and gave her two dollars! She had a special pillow that my mom had given to her which I had used to put teeth in for the Tooth Fairy as a child.

I had a soccer game tonight (we won and I scored a goal, yahoo! and i felt healthy, yahoo!), so Chancho had the kids in bed by the time I came home. I usually sing them each a lullaby. When I'm gone he sings them "Fried ham, fried ham, cheese and baloney..." They love it.

To my delight, as I went to do the Tooth Fairy duty, I found not one but two bags of carrots and a note that had been left for me (Deedle wanted to get in on the action so she left me a bag, too). I thought that was very thoughtful of them. Having just been to the dentist and knowing that the Tooth Fairy would like nice healthy teeth, they chose carrots unlike the cookies and milk that fat old Santa wants.