Mother's Day

I'm sure that you are all dying to hear if I got what I wanted for Mother's Day. Oh, yes! And more! Jason bought me the print of the painting I wanted (which is totally fine because I would have been kind of sick about spending $500 right now for the canvas). It is not framed yet, but he said I can do that as soon as I decide where I want to put it and what frame would look best. He also bought me a gorgeous bouquet of tons of pink tulips and purple irises. Then the kids gave me some great home-made cards and chocolate chocolate chocolate! Chancho made dinner at his parents house with his brothers and dad, then when we came home he had strawberry shortcake for us for dessert. The kids ended the day, after teeth brushing, reading and prayers, with Mother's Day Massage Time! It was too cute and they are actually old enough, especially String Cheese, that my back massage was very nice and relaxing!
My first couple of mothers days I cried. Not a i'm-so-happy-to-be-a-mother cry. But another cry that I couldn't quite understand. It wasn't that Chancho didn't do enough to make the day special for me. But it kind of felt like that and that made me feel like a total loser for feeling like that and then I would start feeling like a total loser all around and would think that I didn't even deserve a good Mother's Day because I wasn't a good wife or Mother. Those are the kind of crazy thoughts I used to think all of the time before I stopped thinking them. I'm not sure exactly when this transformation happened, but it has been recently and since I have gone through all of the trials of illness, hairloss, and mental illness that I've been through in the past 2.5 years.

This mother's day was great! I like myself much more than I ever have before and I refuse to say, "except for..." My goal is to treat myself with as much love and tenderness that I feel towards my sisters. Maybe they don't always know how much I love them, but I do and I would never say or think a mean thing about them. I always know that they are trying their best and if they are having a hard time or showing a weakness it is okay because they are still doing the best that they can. I think each one is so beautiful and I am so proud of them. They are each a very choice daughter of God. And guess what, so am I! This is what I have been working on and am really starting to "get". This does not mean that I think "all is well in Zion". It simply means that thinking anything mean or negative about myself or others just doesn't do anybody any good. If we see something we need to work on then, we just try our best to do it.

Here is a case in point. For ages I have lamented over the fact that we are taught to read scriptures "as a family" daily. In the past I have always had an excuse (I'm too sick, the kids are too little, etc.). But last Sunday I read this quote:

I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents will read from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our homes and all who dwell therein. The spirit of reverence will increase; mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to the counsel of their parents. Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity—the pure love of Christ—will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy, and happiness.

Marion D. Romney, Conference Address, October 1980

So, I was like, "For Heaven's sakes! We need all of those things! We better start reading." I didn't say we should start reading "except...". We just did. Starting that night I told the kids we were going to do things differently and we would read from the Book of Mormon every night before prayers. And we have. And the kids like it. And I am starting to feel happier. How hard was that? And this thing alone, starting to read scripture together as a family on a REGULAR, DAILY basis is one of the things that made this Mother's Day really, really happy for me.