String Cheese and Santa Claus

String Cheese lives in dueling worlds it seems. At times she is asking the most mature questions and seems like this old soul, full of wisdom and I wonder, "Did you really just turn 7?" Other times she is crawling around on the ground pretending to be a kitty or sobbing uncontrollably about nothing because she is tired and she is still just my little girl. Most of the times these worlds get along fine but they clash a bit when it comes to Santa Claus.

SC hasn't truly believed in Santa for several years now (much to the chagrin of her preschool teacher and some of my siblings). I guess I just didn't really have a good plan about how I was going to do the whole Santa thing. I just never felt comfortable outright lying. When she was 3 or 4 she would ask things like:
"Does Santa Clause really fly in a sleigh?"
Me: That is what the legends say.
SC: Does Santa really go around the whole world in one night?
Me: That's what they say.
SC: Are elves real?
Me: What do you think?
SC: Do YOU believe in Santa?
Me: I think it is fun to believe in him if you want to.
...and then the questions got harder
SC: Why did whats-her-name get this-or-that and I only got this? Was she better than me? Doesn't Santa know where Haiti is???

So...I just couldn't straight out lie and have received some severe glares and lectures (including a wide-eyed and worried talk from Deedle's preschool teacher last Monday). SC knows Santa isn't real. But when Christmas comes around there is the magic in the air and SC does allow herself on some level to believe that a Christmas Elf sneaks into our house each and every night during December until Christmas to put a small treat in our advent calendar for the children to find in the morning. And when we drove past Christmas village a while ago, String Cheese said, half-heartedly to me, "If Mrs. Claus is there talking to all the kids, maybe she is real and maybe there really is a Santa. Is there Mom?"
Me: "I think it is really fun to believe Santa is real sometimes."

And so it goes. There is a part inside this little 7-year-old that really wants to believe he is real, that there is truly a magical man that loves little children dearly and wants to give them all their most precious heart's desire to open on the morning of the celebration of the birth of the Savior of the world. But there is the other conflicting part in her.

Today we had our annual Christmas Eve party with my side of the family. As a child we held it at my grandmother's house. As we became too numerous and my grandmother became too frail we just held it at my parent's home. Then for the past 6 years we have done it at a church because there are just too darned many of us kids, spouses, and grandkids to fit in even my parents large home.Anyway, my niece's boyfriend dressed up as Santa and the little ones took a turn on his lap. When String Cheese sat on his lap, she wasn't sure what to say. I think part of her wanted to ask for her favorite gift, but then part of her thought, "this guy isn't going to give me a gift" but part of her wanted to ask for something special so she asked, "I would like for my family to have the best Christmas ever." She later told us, "That wasn't the real Santa. It didn't smell like him at all."
"Oh yeah?" Chancho asked, "What does Santa smell like? Cookies?"
"Yes," she said seriously, "and this Santa smelled like barf."

She then recounted to us that the Santa that visited her school was not the real Santa either because, "You know what I asked him?"
"What?" we ask.
"I asked him why he doesn't give presents to the poor children."
Not knowing whether to laugh or cry, I ask, "And what did he say?"
"He said, 'maybe they are on the naughty list'."
"And what did you say to that?"
"I said, 'yeah right! (sarcastically)'"

So, it appears that in these dueling worlds of hers SC thinks a lot like this, "I don't really believe in Santa. But maybe I do. All my friends do. But I don't really think he's real. But maybe there is a real one somewhere. All the ones I've met are fake. But if he is real and I ever meet him I'd really like to know why he only makes some children happy on Christmas."