Our New Family Member

Meet Molly (aka Champion Laguna). She is a five-year-old Saint Bernard given to us by a top breeder, Ivan Palmblad, from Providence, Utah. She has been trained and in a lot of shows and has won many championships. Chancho just happened to write to Ivan just as he was thinking he might start looking for a good home for her to retire to after being bred many times.

We tried to have dogs once. It was a sad experience for me and probably for them. I was allergic to dogs and we got two lab puppies. I also had two human babies of my own and tried and tried to be a good mom to these puppies. I took them to puppy kindergarten and I walked them and took them to the vet and had them spayed and neutered and microchipped and gave them their heart worm medication and I tried to do every good thing--all the while constantly taking Benadryl and rubbing creams on me because we had them outside but I was overcome with such guilt that I would go and pet them and hug them and then would immediately have my eyes swell and my hands and arms would be covered in hives. Anywho...after a year of them chewing the siding off our house, killing the trees in our backyard, and chewing off the fence and escaping nearly every day, I had to find new homes for them. I cried and cried for the guilt of it all. For my failure.

I vowed that I would never own a dog again. Chancho loves dogs and sorely has longed for a Saint Bernard for ages. String Cheese loves dogs and constantly begs for pets. I told Chancho that it was impossible for me to have a dog because of my allergies. Then I started doing NAET and was having such great success with food allergies that he thought maybe my animal allergies could be cured as well. I still didn't want a dog. Even if I had no allergies, I would only want a dog that was very calm and nice and already trained and loved children and didn't bark and pooped only on the very edge of the yard and didn't chew things and didn't get into things and...my list went on.

Well, along came Molly. I didn't believe that a dog existed that fit these qualities. But Chancho found her so I said yes. He picked her up yesterday from Ivan. She had been spayed 3 days ago. Ivan charged us nothing, not even the price of the spay. He said that it was a win/win situation for everybody. Now, you have to know that I am not what one would consider an "animal lover". But I do love this dog. She is a bit nervous and over-stimulated at times but it has only been about 30 hours. But her "over-stimulated" means that she walks back and forth somewhat quickly. She has let out one bark and that was just a quick grunt when something scared her when she first got home. She adores all of the kids but especially Grace. She seems to know that I am Mom. She meets all of the best breed standards for a Saint--she loves children and is very protective and nurturing. She listens to commands. I took her on a walk with this kids this evening and she stayed right at my side except a couple of times when the kids ran off because they'd see a friend. She'd pull and look around anxiously, trying to make sure she could see all three of them. And she wouldn't let one of the kids walk behind because she wanted to have them in her sight. When we would see neighbors, we would stop and talk and she would just stand still at my side while all the kids petted her. Deedle is a little afraid when she is walking around but loves to give her hugs when she is lying down on her bed that I made for her. Oh, and Molly is huge. She weighs 165 pounds. All Saints are big but she is even larger than the standard female.

It has not all been positive and in fact I have felt a lot of stress. She came home about five minutes after I arrived home from my St. George trip with my sisters. The house was dirty, Chancho was sick, the kids were upset and acting up because they hadn't seen me and were tired, I was tired from driving and needed a shower, and in comes a very stinky and scared dog. I had to drop everything and immediately bathe her. And then she stunk really bad because she was wet and it stunk up the entire house and I wondered if my home was now going to be a stink-house. Yes, she drools. And she been through major surgery and then uprooted from everything she knows. I was very overwhelmed. But things have already improved so much and I think that we are all going to be a big, happy family. This evening was wonderful. Zhateal brought us dinner! Can you believe that? It really made my day because I was really overwhelmed. It was delicioso. Then we went for a walk and we ate the brownies during family night as Molly just sat quietly on her bed watching us. What a kind and thoughtful thing. Thank you!

One quick thing that was so cool. The kids were going to bed and I knew Molly was super tired because she had been awake nearly the entire day and had also been on a walk, so I was trying to get her to stay on her bed to go to sleep, but she kept acting really restless and kept walking towards the kids rooms. Then I thought, oh yeah, she's Nana. So, I took her to Loumy's room and had him say good night to her. She sniffed around his room as if checking to make sure it was okay, then we shut his door and went to the girls' room. The girls each said goodnight to her, again she sniffed around, I shut their door, then she was able to go lie down and rest. What a good little-huge Nana-Molly!

By the way, String Cheese has been waiting for this for months now. When Chancho first contacted Ivan, he said that he might breed Molly one more time. After several months when she had still not come into season and we had been to visit her, he decided he would rather have her come be with us and would have her spayed instead of trying to breed her again. String Cheese asked about Molly several times every day. In fact, she named her. Chancho bought books on Saints and they read them together and discussed way more things than I am interested in knowing about dogs! String Cheese has drawn many pictures and also written the word "Molly" in her journal numerous times. About a week ago she asked me, "Do you love me more than Molly?" "Of course!" I said. She sat there quietly and said, "Well, I think I love you and Molly about the same."

A Change

WARNING: I began this post with only the thought of posting a couple of quick photos. Instead it turned into a novella with various anecdotes and then philosophizing. Just a warning that you might not have time to read it all. So, if you just want to see my new wig, then scroll down and see it and forget about the rest!
"Jane says, 'Have you seen my wig around? I feel naked with out it.' " ~ Jane's Addiction

I went to Robert's Wigs yesterday. I have not been to a wig shop since I lost my hair the first time over ten years ago. Both were very traumatic. Because I was so freaked out about the thought of a wig, I went by myself the first time. If you ever go bald, do not go do something like that alone! The lady at the wig shop was not nice, not helpful, and I was completely depressed and worried and ended up buying something that didn't look good on me at all.The next time I went to a wig shop, it wasn't really a shop, rather it was a place where they make custom wigs. My sisters, Amy and Kathy were with me. I am so glad they were because I ended up having my head shaved for the first time (they were trying to attach a new wig to my head and the sparse amount of hair I had left was getting in the way so I told them to go ahead and shave it off). It was a very traumatizing experience for me, but the wig turned out to be a life saver at that time in my life so I am very grateful. The wig was VERY expensive and my parents paid for it all with out batting an eye. No matter how tight money was, if there was something, anything that might help my health or help me to feel better about dealing with my Alopecia, my parents always were willing to make whatever sacrifice necessary.

Also, after getting the new human hair wig and having my head shaved, Kathy immediately bought me a new outfit (shoes, shorts, and a shirt!). She also bought me some clothes in St. George. You should all know that every one of my sisters is beautiful and kind and loving and they each have special traits that make them unique and they each support and help me in different ways. One way that Kathy supports me is by immediately buying something to make me feel better (and I'm not saying she's rich, I'm just saying that she is very generous that way).

I lost a lot of my hair after Deedle was born and I was afraid I might lose it all again so I ordered a couple of wigs on-line. They were okay. Some the colors weren't good and none of them really felt like "me". (Of course Kathy bought me one of them)

Anywho...my wig experiences have not been extremely positive. I never felt like any of them really looked completely natural on me--whether because the wig itself wasn't great or just because the thickness and the style didn't fit me--and they are all somewhat itchy, hot and uncomfortable.

So, why I decided to try Roberts Wigs yesterday, I'm not sure. I just stopped by quickly before going to volunteer at String Cheese's kindergarten class. The lady that owns it now was SO nice and I actually had a lot of fun trying on wigs. I found one that I kind of liked and thought I would like to order it but in a different color. I was almost late and needed to leave but the owner asked me to just let her quickly get out another wig to check and see if the color would work for me. She opened a box and asked me to try it on and my eyes lit up! It was exactly what I was looking for. The color and style were both perfect for me. It was one of those moments where some might say it was total coincidence or others might think that God certainly doesn't have time to worry about making somebody happy with something as little as this, but to me it was what Elder Eyring has referred to as "a tender mercy of the Lord".Needless to say, I am very happy! It is very light-weight and the style just fits me. I am not saying it is the most gorgeous wig in the world or that anybody else would necessarily love it or that it is the most fantastic style. I am just saying that if I had my own hair right now then this is how I would be wearing it. What do you think? Nancy asked for photos, so here they are. I wished I'd put on some make-up and that somebody else could have taken them rather than me but these will do.

Now, a quick bit of education for those of you who haven't dealt with bald women and are not sure how to react when you see them wearing a new or different wig. A couple of do's and dont's might be helpful for you.
DO:
...notice! Acting like nothing is different makes everybody feel awkward if you try to act like nothing has changed when she looks drastically different.
...say something like, "I like your hair!" After all, if she bought it and it is on her head, then it is her hair and you don't need to bring up the fact that it is a wig because some women aren't totally comfortable with that (I am so you can say that to me). Or you could say, "Hi! What a cool style for you! I love that look on you!" If you do not like the wig, you don't need to lie but you can still say something to make sure she knows you noticed her by saying, "How fun to have a new style! Do you like it?"

Do NOT:
...ignore the fact that she looks totally different but still keep glancing up at her head while talking to her.
...say, "You are SO lucky to get to wear all different styles." or "You are so lucky that you can just throw on a wig...my hair takes forever to do!" Why are these things inappropriate to say? Because if you have hair then you have the option, any day of the week, to buy yourself a wig, to shave off your hair if it is driving you crazy, or whatever you want. It demeans any difficulty that a bald woman might be going through. If she says, as I some times do, "It is so nice to just be able to throw on a scarf or a wig. It saves a lot of time in the morning." Then feel free to agree and say, "That is great that you can focus on the positives! That is a really nice thing to save time getting ready."
...say, "I wish I could just wear a wig." That is kind of the same as the last "do not". Anybody can wear a wig. Like I said, you just buy one and wear it.As for me, you don't need to worry about what you say. I refuse to get offended easily and I have really grown a lot. I am working very hard on not ever comparing myself to others physically anymore. It just doesn't work out for anybody, does it? "I wish I were thinner, I wish I had nice skin, and I wish I had my hair back." There. Now that's done. Why dwell on it? I am trying something else on for size: "I was created after Divinity. Everybody is different. I am beautiful." That one is definitely fitting more nicely! Funny how when we think nice things about ourselves, we think less often about ourselves. And I think it is rubbing off on my kids, too, which is definitely the best thing that could come from any type of trial we go through. This morning I was getting ready to go someplace. String Cheese has always loved it in the past when I put on a wig and when the kids saw me with it at school they all really liked it. But this morning she said to me, "Mom, you look so pretty with your new wig. But you look really pretty with out it, too." I have no DOUBT that she can FEEL how I FEEL about myself.

In closing of this major novel here, I must thank Nancy for writing such a nice blog post about me and Zhateal for how her new-found wisdom has affected me (see this post). Whatever she has gone through lately has made me want to stop being mean to myself and be willing to really allow myself to discover the beautiful person that is inside. Z actually looks different since she's gone through this sort of spiritual transformation. A holistic doctor would say that her aura is vibrant and she glows. I would say that her spirit is happy and and is telling you so when you look in her eyes.

So, anyway, I'm really experimenting and working hard on this new "I am beautiful" thing. I never even knew I felt comfortable saying that about myself. I thought it was being haughty. But really Satan has been using this fake sense of "humility" of me not accepting myself or feeling good enough about myself. That is not humility. It's a lie that Satan uses to trap us into ourselves and our own self-loathing so that we don't have the love and the energy left to completely open up and use our talents and beauty that God has given us to serve others. If any of you want in on this experiment of giving up the self-deprecation, let me know and we will all remind each other how beautiful we are!

When I Grow Up...

When we are driving in the car, String Cheese often brings up her future. There is often discussion of motherhood with questions that are a little vague and hard for me to answer. She asks, "What will it be like when I'm a Mom?" and "What will I think when I'm a Mom?"

She likes to ask about marriage and who she might marry. She is quite set on a certain young man, Bryan Joseph. And Deedle has decided she will marry his older brother, Bradley. Here is SC with Bryan a few years ago. "Can I marry my cousin?" "Is Bryan (Joseph) my cousin?" (No, he's not her cousin and, at this point I definitely approve. ::whew:: )

She likes to talk about what she will be when she grows up. She has a lot of questions. "Can I be a mom?" "Do I have to have another job?" "What if I don't know how to do the job I want to do?"

Saturday the conversation started again while we were taking a drive. Deedle came up with the idea that she would like to be a candy maker. Her only concern, "What if I don't know how to make the wrappers?"

SC then said, "I think I would like to make dresses. Is that something I could do? I could be a dressmaker? And design my own dresses? And have my own dress shop? Can you teach me how to do that?"

I discussed with the girls their concerns and expressed excitement. Loumy had been listening in and kept trying to interject, but they weren't giving him much opportunity. Finally I quieted the girls and said, "Okay, Loumy, sorry that you didn't get a turn to talk. What did you want to say?"

With his eyebrows raised, he looked as though he had just come up with an absolutely brilliant plan for his life. "When I grow up, " he said excitedly. "I want to be a skateboard guy and a Dad and a' old woman!"

New 'Do

I took Loumy to Stacey's "Hands of Champions" Beauty College this afternoon to see if his hair was long enough for corn-rows. They were a bit worried that it was too short, but it still turned out really cool and Loumy sat nicely on my lap for nearly 2 hours. What a good sport! There was good and bad news after. We got in the car and drove to my in-laws for a gathering and when we got out Loumy had pulled out one of the braids already! I was about to cry but then I sat down and tried to re-do it myself. I did it! So, now I think next time I will just try to do it myself--although the students only charge $1.50 per braid so you can't really go wrong at that price.

My First Tooth Fairy Assignment

String Cheese had struggled for many months with the fact that she was one of only two kindergarteners without her name on the lost tooth chart in class. A few weeks ago she was delighted to discover that she finally had a loose tooth--her right-middle-bottom tooth. Regrettably, several weeks later the tooth was not much looser. Instead, her jagged, new, big-girl tooth was growing right behind the loose tooth. So, today we went to the dentist and he pulled out both of her bottom, middle teeth. SC was very good. She was a bit nervous when they put the gas-thing over her nose, and I was a bit worried when Loumy ran over and started pushing buttons to increase its levels and I had to yell for the nurse to come in...and the shots were kind of scary and painful. She asked me to sing a lullaby that I made up about her and she said that made her feel better.

At first she was very worried that having two teeth "pulled" would not reap the same rewards as "losing" teeth. She was also distressed that when she began making phone calls from my cell the moment we left the dentist office, that most people were not available. Then she finally got Grandma Debbie but, "She really didn't sound that excited." (Although she sounded plenty excited to me).

The day turned out very happy for her. She was able to put up not one but TWO paper, personalized teeth on the chart at school. Dad did the excited--laying on the floor thing for her--kicking his arms and legs about like she does when she's excited. Aunt Kathy and Grandma Sharon called to check on her (little did I know that she had called them around 7am to let them know she was going to the dentist). And, her kind Uncle John even came over to our house and gave her two dollars! She had a special pillow that my mom had given to her which I had used to put teeth in for the Tooth Fairy as a child.

I had a soccer game tonight (we won and I scored a goal, yahoo! and i felt healthy, yahoo!), so Chancho had the kids in bed by the time I came home. I usually sing them each a lullaby. When I'm gone he sings them "Fried ham, fried ham, cheese and baloney..." They love it.

To my delight, as I went to do the Tooth Fairy duty, I found not one but two bags of carrots and a note that had been left for me (Deedle wanted to get in on the action so she left me a bag, too). I thought that was very thoughtful of them. Having just been to the dentist and knowing that the Tooth Fairy would like nice healthy teeth, they chose carrots unlike the cookies and milk that fat old Santa wants.

My Witch Doctor

Oh, how I love alternative medicine! Most those of us that are converted have been forced to convert because Allopathy has failed us in many ways. I love love love my two chiropractors, Dr. Giles and Dr. Skaggs. I have been receiving help from TG (Dr. Giles) for 10 years now and have become more and more converted over time. Dr. Skaggs has come into my life more recently and has already helped me completely overcome--as in become healed from and no longer bothered at all by--many of my allergies.

The chiropractors I see are both very religious men of the Christian variety (LDS) and use no voudou in their practices. But since a lot of what they do seems so strange, friends have often teased me. After a prolonged illness at the beginning of my marriage, my husband asked, "Why haven't you gone to see your witch doctor? What does he say?"

If you really want to learn about the techniques that are used, then you should learn. But most people don't. Those that have seen me getting treated or have ventured to give it a shot themselves are often skeptical, and many do not follow through because it is so un-traditional. Anyway, I was just thinking about this because today I went to see Dr. Giles again and now **knock on wood** my strep throat is almost gone. I went to see him Friday and he asked what he always asks, "Why did you wait so long to come in?" He made me sit in a sauna with mud all over my body, then I sat in a chair with a light beam and sound generator making noise and my feet in a bucket of water with lights, then a lady gently massaged the lymph nodes on my neck with a light beam. Then I went and did the same thing today. And meanwhile I've been taking these supplements that are supposed to help your body kill of bacteria and viruses. And I had to rub a really gross herb on my tonsils with a q-tip and try not to throw up. So, I did all that. And now I'm better! Hurray! That was a long one. Maybe next time I will finally go see my "witch doctor" before a month of illness goes by.

April Fool's Day

I do not look forward to this day. It has been a somber day since April 1, 1996 when Patti's dad died. I was on this mission and felt really terrible that I could not be there to comfort my nearly lifelong friend. I always think of Patti on April 1st. She took her father's death very hard. Gary was like another father to me, as I had spent so much time with his family since the age of 5. Anyway, this April Fool's Day has been a very sad one indeed. After my last post and the comments, I was thinking about the importance of being aware of what is going on in the world, learning to be more compassionate from hearing the difficulties that others are facing, learning to put our lives in a better perspective and focus on things that are of eternal importance, and serving others; yet not letting the horrible news of all that is going on around us consume us.

Tonight, again, I feel a bit consumed about the following this: 1) Patti is still suffering and has a hard time on this day. 2) All day I have been praying and thinking about a beautiful little Burmese girl that disappeared yesterday from her apartment in South Salt Lake. Seven years old. Her family had finally made it here to the US after spending 20 years in a refugee camp. There was a press-conference at about 7:30 that I listened to. Then...about 8:45...her body was found. 3) I was made aware of a friend's friend's daughter. Five-year-old beauty living in Eagle Mtn. She was complaining of some headaches a month ago. He parents noticed her speech was a little blurred one weekend and she was dizzy so they took her to the doctor. Inoperable, massive, cancerous brain tumor.

So, those two items made me feel more weighed down than usual. But luckily, I also had two very inspiring things, today, as well. I would like to share these, mostly for myself, to remember good people and HOPE in the world!

This past weekend, my brother Aaron participated in the Bataan Memorial Death March. It was created in New Mexico to commemorate a page in history that affected so many families in the state. The march consists of 26.2 miles of hiking through grueling desert trails, washes, small mountains, and sand pits. The participants carry a backpack weighing 35-40 pounds. The majority of the participants were military. My brother and his team are all corporate lawyers. But they did great. My awesome brother is now very sore and blistered but he said it was an incredible experience. He said, "Just before we crossed the starting line we walked by about 2 dozen survivor veterans (most in wheel chairs) and got to shake their hands and thank them for their service. That was definitely the coolest part." I am proud of my brother and think it is so cool that he had the opportunity to thank and honor these veterans. What made it especially moving was when my mom sent us a photo of this handsome young man. This is my mom's cousin. His name is Wayne Allison Fisher. He died during the Death March of Bataan. I'm sure he felt honored that Aaron and others participated in this memorial.

The second thing that brought me so much happiness today was receiving a photo from my sister of people I don't even know. My sister Kathy has a son on a mission and she is involved with these on-line missionary mom groups. One of the mom's has a son serving in Guyana. He has been through some rough times. All missionaries have rough times. Some of the trials we go through are the same for everybody, and then there are trials unique to each mission and each missionary. Apparently this elder had to be transfered to a dry area because he'd been walking in flooded areas for so long that his feet had gotten all diseased and worm infested and stuff. But anyway, I'm sure Elder Breinig (far right) doesn't complain a lot. The mission in Guyana is flourishing. They usually have 5-10 baptisms per week. This photo speaks volumes to me on so many levels. And, it also gives me comfort in regards to those who are suffering or who have suffered and then been able to leave this place and go to one much more glorious.

So, anyway, please enjoy this photo and also don't worry about coming back to my blog. I promise that the next several posts will have nothing to do with suffering, only silliness and happy kid things and stuff! And if you can look at this photo and not feel happy, well, then...I don't know what. But I love this!