A Superficial Post

This is very superficial and probably very boring, so don't feel obligated to comment or anything. I just wanted to record this for my own journaling.

My mother is the epitome of the word charity. Look it up in Webster's and you will find her picture. Because of her I am not as superficial and materialistic as I'm sure I would otherwise be. I'm sure she wishes that I cared even less and less about the things of this world and I am slowly getting there. Because of my upbringing, then, I am slightly ashamed to admit how excited I am for my late-birthday, early-Christmas present I bought for myself with extra money I made by translating a website. We have a bed!

Now, the truth is, we have had a very wonderful and comfortable bed for 4 years. Chancho came into our marriage with an old queen sized-bed and we were happy for it. It held on as long as it could but eventually gave up the ghost and we got an extremely comfortable and happy mattress and box springs. Chancho has seen no need for a bed frame or anything. It feels the same, doesn't it? Well, not to me. It feels totally different now. And I so love the RC Willey Outlet store where I could get my pretty mahogany bed for 80% off and a matching dresser!

So, sorry to be superficial but I really love my new bed and, as you can see, it does still feel the same to Chancho and the kids during the nightly dog-piling, wrestling session.P.S. For those of you who think I am such a Scrooge about Twilight, I will let you know that I saw the movie yesterday and I liked it and was so glad that nobody was screaming or clapping through it or I'm sure I wouldn't have liked it as much.

The News

Do you see these cute little things that I just couldn't resist buying, even though I've already had 2 little girls and have plenty of baby clothes and things? Do you see them?!
Well, they, too, will be packed away in storage for now because this little child in my womb will not be wearing any of them! Because HE is a HE!!!

My family keeps asking how I feel about this. I found out around 4 o' clock and I was first mostly in shock and then felt a bit of a loneliness. This isn't Sarah? Well where is Sarah? Please don't tell me she is in an orphanage somewhere with out me and I won't be able to find her until she is 3 or 4 or something. That breaks my heart. No. No worries. I have faith that God knows way more than He can tell us at one time. So, for now, I will not worry about my Sarah. I will find her some day. I have no doubt of that.

When I can stop worrying about her and why she isn't in my womb, then I start to feel really excited. This is just a very exciting and happy surprise. Who is this little man cub? I am feeling more and more excited to find out. I felt his little nudgings this morning for the first time. Chancho and I were just drifting in and out of sleep, knowing we needed to get up, when I suddenly shouted, "Our baby! I just felt it!" And that is a miracle. I am so blessed and feel very honored that we will have another son.

Loumy, who has been telling us all along that this is a boy, sat in his booster seat in the back and had the cutest little smug look on his face the entire way home as he said over and over, "I KNEW it was a baby bwutha! I knew it was a bwutha!"

Autumn

I can't say that autumn is my favorite season. I could probably go into the details of why that is, but I shan't. Of course autumn is a beautiful time with the changing leaves and all. But the best thing about autumn is that Christmas is on the way. I love Christmas oh so very much. And because Thanksgiving is happening so late this year (at least it seems to me), I am rebelling and am starting my Christmas-ing now. Look at me, I even changed my blog background!

Before I get too much into Christmas, though, I better share some of these photos from our leaf raking (not so much) last Saturday. I was feeling well and the sun was shining ever so nicely. Quick pregnancy tangent ~ I have discovered that when I can get out of bed at my leisure, I have felt well pretty much all the live long day. With my first pregnancy and all of the sickness I remember many older women tell me, good naturedly, "I just had to get up and going and force myself out or I'd be sick all day." Nay! Pretty much the only really good days I've had have been when I stayed in my bed until I felt like getting out. Regrettably that can ever only happen on Saturday or Sunday (and with babies it was never so I'm not complaining, I'm just saying...) The kids still wake me constantly to fix a broken transformer or zip up a pair of pants or whatever the request, but they are big enough that usually their needs don't force me out of bed (and they also know not to turn on the light with their requests and to shut my door when they go back out). So, I love my weekends now more than ever.

Back to Autumn. It had been very rainy and gloomy for quite some time, but Saturday was brilliant so the kids and I took advantage to clean up some leaves. There was a little bit of raking and then lots of...
...leaf fights...
...requests for mom to bury kids in the piles so that they could jump out and leaf fight some more......leaf angels......and plenty of all around happy cuteness!

No News

Thank you all for being supportive of my little fit regarding my father-in-law. I went to see him Tuesday and he defended himself by saying, "Well, I really wasn't sure. If I was sure then of course I would have told you, but it was very suspicious and I was leaning towards a boy, I just don't like to say anything if I'm not positive." So, we took another look. Sweet little baby kept putting a hand in front of the genital area as if asking, "Um, a little privacy please?" But we kept jiggling my tummy around until Dhost would move the hand...and still nothing definite. If anything Guy said now he was leaning more towards a girl...but unsure. The 3D part of his machine is broken right now, so that didn't help either. I was patient for 48 more hours and tried it again this afternoon. We still can't tell. Poor 4 inch little baby just wants to be left alone to grow for awhile. I promise to be patient and not get another ultrasound for at least...one more week.

I'm kind of glad this has happened, though, because it has helped me to analyze my feelings more. Deep in my heart I still hope this is a girl because it truly feels like a girl is missing from our family. As we looked at boy names the other night, Chancho could not agree on a single name he even remotely liked. But then after Tuesday when Guy was leaning more towards it being a girl again, Chancho seemed happy and peaceful as he asked if I had thought of any middle names and suggested one that he really liked and it just fit perfectly together. He said her whole name (privacy be damned) "Sarah Jane Cox" and we both just smiled and I felt joy shoot through me. So, here's the deal, at least how I see it right now. If this is a boy, then that is great. That means that the Lord has a bigger family planned for us than I thought might be possible a few years ago. We would have to have a very strong experience or feeling telling us that our family was complete after having a boy for us to not continue to wait for Sarah. And if this is Sarah, then I will be so happy. And Chancho will tell me that for sure for sure we are done having children. And then it will take a very very strong experience for the Lord to convince us that she was not the last (if she's not). At this point, I still can't wait to find out which way the path is going, but I feel peace in my faith and I truly do believe that as long as our hearts and minds are open then the children that are meant to be a part of our family will eventually all be together. If it's a boy now, then that is a happy surprise. If it is our little girl, then I feel a swell of relief that I don't have to worry longer regarding her whereabouts. I'll keep ya'll updated.

To My Nurse Midwife

Who also happens to be my father-in-law: Next time I see you, you better expect me to give you the big old stink eye. Tonight when I was sick and didn't come to your house for dinner but your son (who happens to be my husband) took the kids and he told me what you said! He (my husband and your son) said that you said that you are most definitely, quite sure that I am having a boy but since I looked so distraught at the thought of it, you would not tell me last Thursday but decided to have me come back this week with your son (my husband) so that he could deal with me if I burst into tears or some other type of fit! He said you are also rubbing it in that you knew we were not done having kids and that from the moment you found out I was pregnant you thought I was having a boy. I am coming up to your office first thing tomorrow and you will give me another ultrasound and you will tell me the truth! You are in big trouble, Mr. Nurse-Midwife-Father-in-Law-Grandpa-Guy!

This and That

First of all, Happy Birthday to my handsome husband! I love Chancho so much! Here is a picture of him from his 8th birthday. Okay, not really but when we first watched Nacho Libre, we were amazed at all the similarities the two had--my husband also was raised as a chubby little orphan in Mexico. That is a lie, too. We just really like Nacho Libre. Below is the real man. To be honest, he doesn't love that I blog. He is quite a private person. I think a big nightmare he has is that somebody from his place of employment will come upon our blog and know all about us. But I know of one that does and so far everything has been fine. Anyway, Chancho turned 33 on Tuesday. We went on a date last Saturday to eat at Ye Lion's Den (which turned out good but was a last minute choice because Temari was closed for the weekend). We saw, "Ghost Town". It was funny but probably would recommend you wait to see it on video (unless you are us and you only get to go to a movie once or twice per year, then you just go when you can go and you watch whatever is playing). Tuesday Chancho had to work all day but we did have his requested broccoli/cheese soup for dinner and pie for dessert (rather than cake). Chancho, you are a wonderful husband and father. I love you!

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In other news, there was an election on Chancho's birthday. You will not find me waxing political very often. It is not my favorite thing. I am very sensitive to contention and it makes me feel nauseous. It has been my experience that very few political conversations last long with out getting contentious, thus I equate politics = puke. But this election was very historic for our nation. I am mostly conservative and do have opinions on politics, I just rarely discuss them with others. I had a few Democrats that I voted for on my ballot, but I voted Republican for president. John McCain did not win. Rather, we now have Barack Obama as our President-Elect. I believe in supporting our Democracy, whether or not I voted for the individual that is put into office, so you will not hear me bad mouthing Pres. Obama (I think we're pretty dang lucky to live in the USA, if you haven't gathered that from posts like the one below). As for a person, I actually like him. I read a couple of books that he wrote. He is very likable. I was more concerned with the Supreme Court justices that he will appoint and the power these most likely very liberal judges will have to interpret or change the constitution, protect the right of life, faith, and the family. But the votes have been cast and there are things that I will happily cling to as a bright side. I will pray for Pres. Obama, that he will make good choices and be good for our country. I will pray that he will be a strong leader and a good example. I find it a huge blessing, miraculous blessing, actually, that the first President of the United States my son will remember will be an African American. That is absolutely amazing to me and I'm so grateful for that symbol--to let Loumy know that he can absolutely be anything that he wants to be, that this is the land of opportunity!I have been amused by the two things that my kids brought home from school today. We really didn't talk much about the election at home (see above, politics = puke), so I was surprised to hear my children talking about our new president. Two things were said (and warranted a good discussion) just this morning.
Loumy: Mom, Bawack Obama is ouw new PWOPHET!
String Cheese: Mom, is it true that Barack Obama wants to kill everybody with blonde hair and blue eyes?
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Last topic for today: Baby Dhost. I will be calling it that for now because one time I saw a "World News" magazine with the title, "Woman Gives Birth to Baby Ghost." For some reason I thought that was the most hilarious thing ever and nearly peed my pants laughing. Also, my nephew Beau used to say, "dhost" instead of "ghost" and I think that is cool. So, here is a pic of my own little Baby Dhost.
I had an ultrasound today and was sure we would be able to tell the gender. My sisters Amy and Kathy came with me and my father-in-law (my nurse midwife) tried not to disappoint but he said he just could not be sure yet. I would grimace whenever there was a view that looked very much like a boy and relax a little when I thought it was a girl. Kathy, a very defensive aunty, said, "Don't you dare make this baby think you don't love it if it's a boy!" And of course I won't. I just hope that I get to have my baby Sarah now so that I don't have to have an achy, missing child feeling for several years after this. Some members of my family keep saying this is a boy and I have to go adopt Sarah from China. I don't think that is funny. I want her here and now and to be done. I guess we'll have to wait until next week to see if God pulled a fast one on me or not.

Like Angels

When we first started Haitian Roots with 23 children, Isson's mother (who lives in Haiti and personally knows some of the families in our program) said to him, "You have no idea what this means to these families--to these parents. It is literally as if angels have come down from the heavens and lifted them out of the mud and set them on solid ground."

Of course that made me feel good. In my heart, I believed that education would really make a difference, but I didn't realize how much hope it could bring to an entire family.I have had some very spiritual experiences in regards to my involvement with Haitian Roots. I will share one that was particularly touching and also very pointed. I was sitting in the same spot I'm sitting now--at my computer. It was August of 2007. We had recently returned home from a trip to Haiti. It had been very overwhelming. We had parents come to our gathering because they'd heard about the possibility of an organization that could help their children go to school. There were so many practically on their hands and knees begging us for help. We had around 50 in the program at that time and when we came home we decided to increase that number to 100 by the end of August (for school to start). 100 was not nearly enough, but it was still a lofty goal (fundraising-wise) for us and we decided we would try our best to make it happen. After talking to our coordinators in Haiti, they stated that they had weeded down the list to 113 and wondered if we could do that -- an additional $3250 when we didn't even have the money we needed for the 100 we had agreed to.

So, I sat at my computer, thinking of those children and crunching numbers. For all 113 children, we were $6,000 short and that was just for the first payments (we send down an initial payment at the beginning of the year to cover registration, uniforms, books and the first couple of months tuition; after getting all of the receipts back from the families to show that the kids really were in school, we send a second payment in January to cover the rest of the year). I kept seeing the faces of the kids and felt sick to my stomach. I began to pray. I prayed hard. And then a thought came into my mind, as clear as day. Not an audible voice, yet clearly speaking to me, It said, "It is not your prayers that will make this happen. It is the parents who are praying for their children. You just do the work. I'll open the doors and you walk through them." With tears streaming down my face I prayed, "Thank you. I can do that." I wrote a sincere letter to many close friends and family regarding our desire to send 113 children to school. And the parents' prayers were answered. We had another $10,000 by the end of the week.Since that time, I have been completely humbled to be a part of anything to do with Haitian Roots. People often tell me that we are doing something wonderful and it makes me feel really stupid, embarrassed and strange. I do not feel that way at all. I feel like we are the ones that are extremely lucky and blessed to be a part of anything that might make a difference to somebody. Like, why do I get to be a part of this? I think that those on the trip with me last month will agree with these feelings.

The parents of our Haitian Roots children are not perfect (right Chareyl?), but for the most part they are good people. Some of them are EXCEPTIONAL. And they love their children fiercely. Many of them in our program also love other's children fiercely. We have several parents in our program who have taken in the orphans of friends or family members and love them as their own, even while struggling to feed their own. There are parents in our program who have lost their homes in hurricanes and have had to live in ditches, their children have malaria, and they can hardly eat, yet they have hope because their child is receiving an education. We have parents who cannot afford medical care for their child who has sickle cell anemia and is now half paralyzed from a stroke. We have parents who work in abusive situations under the most horrible circumstances to be able to put a meal on the table every few days. Yet they have hope because their child is receiving an education. We have parents who hug us and kiss us and say, in their broken English, "thank you, thank you, thank you." They ask, "please, tell me the name of our sponsor." So that they can write a letter personally to them to tell them what a blessing they have been to their child and to their family. Nearly every letter includes some form of, "May God bless you." We have parents who offer to help us in any way possible--cooking for the parties or making sure we get to places we need to be.I remember shortly after Loumy came home, he was sitting in his high chair. He had some major food issues when he came home because he had been so hungry so often for so long. At nine months of age, he weighed only 11 pounds (I know, to some Haitian parents that sounds chubby). Anyway, if I didn't have his food prepared before he was sitting in his highchair, he would start to panic. He would sob and cry these huge tears. I remember feeding him and trying to calm him down (he was gulping in this sweet potatoes so fast!). I was whispering to him, "It's okay. It's okay. I promise you will always be fed. I won't ever let you starve again. It's okay." Then two thoughts came to me. First, "get on food storage girl, you gotta keep that promise!" And second, more poignantly, "What about all of the parents in Haiti who want nothing more than to feed their child, to take them to the hospital when they are sick, to say nothing of toys for Christmas and shoes that fit?" Although I've seen it with my own eyes, I honestly cannot put myself in their place without turning into a huge blubbering mess. So, I don't go there. I just work.So, to Isson's dear mother, who said that "we" (Haitian Roots' donors) were like "angels" coming down, I would sincerely respond that we are not the ones. Knowing these children and these families, being with them in Haiti, is truly as if walking amongst Angels. And it is an honor.